What’s New In The World Of Zeeb

I’ve been meaning to do an update post on Zeeb for some time now, but life keeps getting in the way. Let’s see if I can manage to pull it off this time.

Do you remember the head tilting thing? I think we might finally have stumbled onto the answer. And guess what? I was right all along. It IS a vision thing. Sort of. He has this thing called Convergence Insufficiency. Some people one one of the local yahoo lists I’m on were talking about it and some of the symptoms sounded like Zeeb. And then I was reading a local guide and there was an ad for an Optometrist who specializes in vision therapy and they had this list of “Does your kid do this?” and guess what was on it? “Tilting the head.” BINGO. So we took him to a Developmental Optometrist (different one than in the ad, recommended by parents on the yahoo list) and had him tested. And yuppers, Zeeb is like off the charts with this Convergence Insufficiency stuff. I can’t exactly explain it, but I can quote from the webpage about it:

“Convergence insufficiency (CI) is a common binocular vision disorder that is often associated with a variety of symptoms, including eyestrain, headaches, blurred vision, diplopia [double vision], sleepiness, difficulty concentrating, movement of print while reading, and loss of comprehension after short periods of reading or performing close activities.”
Archives of Ophthalmology

What’s weird about it is they don’t usually find it with the normal tests that your normal eye doctor does. You can have 20/20 vision and still have Convergence Insufficiency. I don’t really know how to explain it any better, but it’s like when Zeeb looks at the page he can’t see the print go straight across – his eyes sort of see it all askew. Same for the TV or whatever. Which explains why he’s tilting his head. Also, check this out:

Many people who would test as having convergence insufficiency [if tested] may not complain of double vision or the other symptoms listed above because vision in one eye has shut down. In other words, even though both eyes are open and are healthy and capable of sight, the person’s brain ignores one eye to avoid double vision. This is a neurologically active process called suppression.1

Suppression of vision in one eye causes loss of binocular (two-eyed) vision and depth perception. Poor binocular vision can have a negative impact on many areas of life, such as coordination, sports, judgment of distances, eye contact, motion sickness, etc. Consequently, a person with convergence insufficiency who is suppressing one eye can show some or all of the following symptoms:

trouble catching balls and other objects thrown through the air
avoidance of tasks that require depth perception (games involving smaller balls traveling through the air, handicrafts, and/or hand-eye coordination, etc.)
frequent mishaps due to misjudgment of physical distances (particularly within twenty feet of the person’s body), such as:
trips and stumbles on uneven surfaces, stairs, and curbs, etc.
frequent spilling or knocking over of objects
bumping into doors, furniture and other stationary objects
sports and/or car parking accidents
avoidance of eye contact
poor posture while doing activities requiring near vision
one shoulder noticably higher
frequent head tilt
problems with motion sickness and/or vertigo

BAM! Did you see that there? “Frequent head tilt”. There it is. Also? Zeeb’s a total clutz. We always used to blame the head (like maybe it was just a little too big for his shoulders and setting him off kilter?) but nooooo… the poor boy is seeing funky. Also, the eye contact thing! DUDE. I have been giving the kid grief about his lack of eye contact for like ever. Like when I’m trying to tell him something (usually for the 10th time, because, hello, he’s eight) I’ll say “look at me” and then when his eyes are still going off in another direction in a way that totally makes me think he’s blowing me off, I’ll cup my hands around his eyes so he HAS to look at me and even then sometimes he looks away! GRR. Let’s just say it has not once occured to me that the child might have some actual medical-type reason for not looking me in the eye. So now I feel kind of bad about that. Okay, really bad. Like perhaps I might be the suckiest mom on earth.

But! There is good news. Convergence Insufficiency can be treated. The bad part? We’re talking more than a year’s worth of weekly visits to a somewhat inconvieniently located office through super crappy rush hour traffic at a rather inconvienient time of day. And it costs a lot and our insurance won’t cover it all. (But they cover some. So I can’t so much complain about that part.) Also, it’s hard to get on her schedule and did I mention we’re planning to move in the next few months? So we’re not even sure we want to start the therapy here, or just wait to start after we move.

Anyway, how happy am I to have solved the mystery of the head tilt? So. Happy. Also, if we can get this thing dealt with, it’s likely to help him with his reading and math facts too!! Because of course then the words and numbers won’t be wiggling all over the paper anymore, so he’ll have an easier time making sense of them. Kind of amazing, that.

In other news…

Apparently it is somewhat odd and curious that I pulled R~ out to homeschool and not Zeeb. Because people have been asking him at school. Mostly kids, I think, but I get the sense that maybe adults have said something too. Also a few people have asked me. It’s pretty simple really – I thought it would benefit R~ to homeschool, and that Zeeb would do better staying in school. I know people have this thing about “fairness” and treating every kid exactly the same, but I happen to think it’s better to consider each of my child’s needs and do what is best for her/him. So anyway, I think Zeeb is filtering that, and also trying to understand what exactly “homeschooling” is. Like yesterday at dinner he told us they had a “guidance lesson” – they have these like once a month the school counselor comes and talks to their class, usually about bullying or some such thing. And then Zeeb says, “Mom, do you teach R~ guidance?” I replied “what do you think a Mother does? EVERYTHING I do with you guys is “guidance”!” Silly boy. Mostly I think he’s cool with going to school while R~ learns at home. He loves school and when he comes home, he gets all my attention at homework time instead of splitting it with R~. And now I sound like I’m justifying my decison, so I’ll move on.

I saved the best for last.

Zeeb had an assignment at school. “Think of a special event that you would like to commemorate and design a stamp for this occasion.” Here’s what he drew:

So at first glance I thought Zeeb was commemorating the eating of pho, back in Vietnam when it was authentic and good. And that he was sitting on his foster mom’s lap. But then I looked at it a little more closely and realized he drew a picture of him sitting on Hubby’s lap, the first time we took him out for pho, on our first full day together as a family. It’s his artistic rendering of a photo that he has in his memory book that I made for him not long after we brought him home. (How glad am I that for once I got off my duff and followed through on a project? He LOVES that book and looks at it all the time. See, there are days when I don’t suck so much as a mom!). And then I flipped it over and noticed he wrote more on the back.

“I got born in Vietnam on June 12 203 I love pho and fried rice when I was 3 I got adopted”

Yeah, he left out a 0, he’s not really 2000 years old. And apparently eating pho and fried rice is right up there with getting a forever family. Whatevs, Dude. I still think it’s the awesomest commemorative stamp design, ever.

And that’s the news on the Zeeb front. Meanwhile, R~ is working on a math lesson and I only sort of know what we’re doing next, so I should probably figure that out, no? Ugh – in a couple of weeks the in-laws are coming to watch the younger three while we take K~ to Portland to visit schools, and I have to come up with like 4 days of homeschooling plans. ACK. How do you homeschooling moms do this?

 

I Could Swear We Just Did This

Realtor Guy came by today, to make his pitch. Now that we’re on our fourth house, we’ve learned a bit and we interview realtors and make them beg for our business. Cause we’re all hoity toity like that. Ahem. If you guys saw the way I was running around cleaning like a crazy woman before Realtor Guy arrived, you’d be raising an eyebrow at me and my feigned hoity-toity-ness. I am such a desperate people pleaser, I swear I annoy myself. The worst part is, after days (weeks?) of cleaning and organizing and flat out packing stuff up, the guy says, “You’ll want to de-clutter before you go on market”. And I almost started crying right there in front of him. I’ve been decluttering! I’ve decluttered so much I feel like the house freaking echoes! And yet. I know he’s right. There’s still more to do. Sigh.

Why do we do this to ourselves every four years? It’s like I’ve got my own term limits or something. (Sorry, around these parts EVERYTHING relates back to politics. It’s a DC burbs reflex.)

So we have to pick between Realtor Guy and Realtor Lady, who came by to give us her pitch on Monday. Realtor Lady runs her own office, which is like a good/bad. No one to pass the blame on to (aside from lower staff, I suppose) but if she gets busy, we might get ignored. K~ likes Realtor Lady because she does this thing where she writes these little Harlequin Romances about the houses she’s selling. Whenever we get one of her postcards in the mail, I read it out loud to K~ (in person or over the phone – they’re that good) and we crack up. Here’s a sample:

You savor quiet mornings on the spacious screened porch, sipping your coffee to the accompaniment of the birds flitting from tree to tree. The kids are not yet up, and the playset waits expectantly in the large level backyard. Later, your gourmet kitchen with its Wolf and KitchenAid appliances will be put to work as friends arrive for an evening of food, drink, and companionship. The house will fill with the savory aroma of a roast and fresh-baked bread. Laughter will fill the rooms of this stately colonial home, and children will run and play loudly in the yard. As afternoon turns to evening, and night falls softly, you all appreciate the richness of this life… at 555 B. R. Road. Not just a House. Not Just A Home. A Lifestyle.

I swear, all it’s missing is some heaving bosoms. K~ is dying to see what ours would say. But, we can’t exactly pick a realtor based on K~’s desire to see our house star in a romance novel. So we’re still undecided.

Meanwhile, Hubby’s outside trying to make the plant beds look fresh and springy (mulch is coming tomorrow! Wanna bet we get a snowstorm next week?) And we have a call in to get an estimate on getting the house painted. And I have more de-cluttering to do. Realtor Guy suggested we move the sectional out of our bedroom. (it’s a freakishly large room, I swear it doesn’t look as odd as it sounds). The reason why that sectional is in our bedroom? That’s as far as we could move it. Which makes moving it out of there somewhat of a challenge.

Yuck. I hate selling houses. Also moving. But! I do like house shopping. So there’s that. Can we just skip to that part?

 

Grace Upon Grace

My friend R and I talk on the phone once or twice a week. For like an hour or more each time. She’s three thousand miles away in Washington, I’m three time zones ahead. Which means when her boys wake up early at 6:30am and the day is stretching out long in front of her, she’s got someone to call. And when I’ve gotten the kids off to school and sat down to a quiet cup of tea, the phone rings and it’s time to chat with a good friend. There are blessings in a long distance friendship. Too often though, she feels too far away.

Like yesterday, when she called at 6:45am my time – that’s 3:45am her time – pretty sure that those contractions she was having were real labor this time. (I told her to call me when she went into labor, ANYTIME, day or night, but it was convienient that she called only ten minutes before my alarm was set to go off.) We talked for a few minutes, and I listened to her try to keep an even tone and breathe through the contractions. The streets in her neighborhood were covered in a layer of snow and ice. I suggested maybe letting an ambulance take her to the hospital, rather than trusting their front wheel drive van. I worry like that. She assured me they’d be fine.

A couple hours later, she called again, to say they’d made it safely out of her neighborhood and were on the way to the hospital. It wouldn’t be long now. Her last labor was quick, she progressed from 3cm to 10cm in only 45 minutes.

I prayed. Often.

Another call, around lunchtime. The epidural was on board, but progress had slowed. She was bored. I wished I were there, sitting at her bedside, holding her hand, chatting about meaningless fluff to pass the time and give her husband a break for a few minutes. Instead I prayed some more.

A longer time went by. When Husband called I jumped on the phone, and then did my best to hide my disappointment.

Finally, around dinner time, the phone rang again.

“Yes?”

“She’s here. And N (her husband) is setting up Skype so you can see her.”

I run to my laptop and pull up the video phone program. The miles fall away. My friend is there, in the kitchen with me, and I am there, in the hospital by her bed. What miracle is this, this video phone. The baby is beautiful and perfect and amazing.

“What is her name?”

I ask once, twice, but we talk over each other. Then her husband says, “First we need you to do something.”

Do something? Me?

“Go to your family room, and get the dictionary on the shelf to the left of the fireplace.”

What is this? They have never even been to our house. I’m confused and intrigued at the same time. I rush to the family room.

I grab the dictionary and run back.

“Now open the dictionary to the word Secret“

Oh my word! There’s an envelope tucked in here. But how? Husband, of course. He plotted with them, though even he didn’t know what was inside the envelope.

A card from R, with a note and a suprise.

A decade ago, not long after we adopted our daughter R~ from Cambodia, our pastor asked me to give a talk at church for national adoption month. R and her husband N went to our church, and were there that day. They’d been trying to start a family for many years. God used that talk to open their hearts to adoption. They had questions. I was more than happy to share our story and all the things I’d learned. Soon R and I were talking, often. And when she was in the process for her son from Guatemala, I was in the process for my son from Vietnam. There is nothing more valuable than a friend who truly knows what you are going through when you feel like you are drowning in paperwork and the road to your child just seems to get longer and longer. Our friendship was forged in those fires. She’s one of the only really solid sister-heart friends I’ve made since college.

A few years ago, R and N were suprised at the beginning of their journey to adopt a second child. They were pregnant. It wasn’t supposed to be possible. And yet nine months later they had a healthy beautiful baby boy.

This time, two and half years later, God blessed them with a perfect baby girl.

To commemorate our friendship and the many miracles that have come about since that day when God gave me the words to speak in front of our church, R and N chose to tuck my name in the middle of their daughter’s. I’d tell you her name, but they both value privacy online just like I do. But let me tell you, it’s a really pretty name. And I’m not just saying that because “Christina” is in the middle of it.

I am so touched. And honored. But most of all, Blessed. That they would make such an effort to involve me in such a momentous and significant day, with phone calls and video chatting and even a secret tucked away in my own house(!)… and on top of all that, to grant me the honor of sharing a name with their beautiful perfect little miracle. Wow. Just wow. God is good.

Now about that move back to Washington…

 

In Which I Turn To Mush

My friend R is in labor this morning, way out in Washington state. It’s the weirdest thing, the weather here is wet and soggy and warmish (50′s) and out there it’s cold and snowy. I wish I could swap weather because they are driving through treacherous streets to get to the hospital (salt and plows are both in short supply out there). And I confess, a part of me is even jealous of the laboring. Which just shows you how long it’s been since I gave birth.

A~ will be 15 in just a few weeks. Fifteen! How is that possible? Last night we sat together on the couch with Pixie sleeping between us watching Warehouse 13 on Netflix and I had this moment of just soaking it all in. He’s growing up so fast. I wish I could slow time down, or capture those moments in a bottle. (cue Jim Croce singing “time in a bottle”… and feel even older watching that video!)

Meanwhile, I’m antsy for life to move along. We’re in that in-between place, getting the house ready to go on the market, not really sure when exactly we’ll get that ball rolling. Husband is still waiting to find out what is happening with work and even though we’d like the house selling to be over and done with, it would be better to sell in the spring and let the kids finish out the school year. I’m like, out of sinc with myself. Which, truth be told, is nothing new.

My big project this weekend was helping A~ clean out his closet. When we moved here a lot of stuff from his old room got shoved in the closet and immediately forgotten. And since then additional stuff was dumped and forgotten. Note to Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents: Please stop sending my kids kits for Christmas. I think I pulled out of his closet like 4 different science and rocket type kits that were still brand new in the box. Clearly, we are just not “kit” people. Also shoved in a corner was A~’s favorite stuffed dogs, rubbed raw and well-loved, and his blue blanket that faded to a soft bluish gray, its silk edges long ago rubbed away. I still remember the day I laid that blanket over him for the first time when he was just ten months old. It was a bigger version of his security blanket that he adored and he got the cutest giddiest smile on his face.

A~ and Blue Blanket, the early days

Look at what I have turned into! Cleaning a closet turns me into a sappy mess! Sheesh!

In other news, R~ had her first official sleepover this weekend. At our house, because I am still not ready to let her go to someone else’s house. (and given her recent track record for showing up next to my bed at 2am with bad dreams or cold symptoms, probably a prudent choice) The girls did great, but poor Zeeb did not know what to do with himself. It’s like he’s R~’s twin and can’t function outside of her radius. He just wanders the house looking lost and sighing a lot. I’m just a little concerned what he’ll do in a couple weeks when R~ starts homeschooling. And oh goodness I’m just now thinking to worry about the bus ride. He had a run-in with a little girl on the bus back in October (?) that ended with actual hitting (!!!) and I had to call on R~ to sit with him and keep her eye on things for a couple of months. I really hope nothing starts up once Big Sister isn’t there watching. [for the record, I'm blaming the little girl. And not just because Zeeb is an angel. Because he isn't. But R~ told me the same girl got into it with another boy on the bus a few weeks later. Apparently she just sits down next to them and starts pushing buttons. Which like, What?!]

I’m so distracted this morning. Apologies for the disjointed post. I must go shop online now. Baby gifts!!

 

Set This Year On Fire, Baby

Just when you thought it was safe to take down the decorations… The Lunar New Year comes rolling along. Yes, that’s right folks, the Chinese/Vietnamese “Lunar” New Year falls a bit early this year and is less than two weeks away!! What? What’s that you say? You haven’t a thing to wear? Well aren’t you in luck! The Bykota Zazzle store is stocked full of Year of the Dragon Tees and a lot of other great stuff too!!

The Year of The Dragon by Bykota

DRAGONS are… by Bykota

2012 Dragon Tee For Kids by Bykota

For those of you who haven’t shopped Zazzle before, you can get any of those Tee designs on any size/style of tee, from kids to adults!

So, say you are having an adoptive families Lunar New Year gathering. Or, maybe you’re doing a presentation in your kids’ class about the Lunar New Year. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some stickers, or even buttons or keychains to give out? Say no more!

2012 VN Year of the Dragon Sq. Stickers by Bykota

A sheet of these stickers is only $5.95!!
Buttons with this design are just $2.50 each!

Year of the Dragon Yellow Keychain by Bykota

Only $4!!

Don’t you love that dragon? My very own in-house designer, R~, drew it herself! There’s more great stuff in the store – necklaces, more keychains and stickers, and later today even ipad covers! (what can I say, I went crazy with the “create” button!) Do me a super big favor? Go to the Bykota Zazzle store with this link:

http://www.zazzle.com/bykota* <– that little asterisk there almost doubles the amount that Bykota makes off each item.

Which is a big deal because as you all know, every penny earned in the Bykota Zazzle store goes straight to supporting Bykota House in Phnom Penh Cambodia. And trust me, with 28 kids to house, clothe, feed and care for, the need is great. So, click on over, get your Lunar New Year shopping done AND support orphans at the same time! You’ll be glad you did.