a new routine

Today is the first totally “routine” day I’ve ever had with Zeeb. B~ is back at work, the kids are in school all day… it’s just me and Zeeb all day. I’m a little freaked. It hit me this morning that I had to get a shower before everyone left because there’s no way to leave Zeeb alone for twenty minutes safely. Baby gates mean nothing to the boy. He just climbs right over them or takes them down. And I can’t just say “play quietly in your room while Mama takes a shower” because he has no clue what I’m saying and he really likes to find all varieties of trouble when he’s not being watched (and sometimes even when he is being watched). It’s a funny thing, starting with a child when they are three. With a baby you can work up to this phase… and there are all manner of playpens and bouncy seats and “stationary entertainers” to keep them happy but safe while you get something done. It’s a part of our adjustment I hadn’t really thought about before.

Looking at the big picture, Zeeb is doing amazingly well. He just loves to play with his sisters and brother and he’s happy almost all the time. He eats pretty well and sleeps great and isn’t even afraid of the cats like his reports said he was. I have to keep reminding myself of the big picture. Because sometimes I get stuck in the details. Like the fact that he’s speaking in long expressive sentences but it’s all Vietnamese so I have no idea what he’s saying. And the way that sometimes he’ll hit or bite or pull R~’s hair, almost out of the blue. (okay, I’m guessing she’s found a few buttons of his to push, but he is rather aggressive at times).

And then there’s the way I’m not in love with him yet. You know how when you are dating sometimes you think your significant other is the most amazing perfect creature God ever made, but then other times they are just annoying or weird or different and you wonder if it’s worth the effort to make the relationship work? When I met my husband, I knew he was the one the very first day. But in the months that followed, there were times I didn’t feel “in love” with him. I liked him, I thought he was a nice guy, but it wasn’t that heart-stopping love that I thought I should feel all the time. Of course by the time we married three years later I was in love with him 24/7 and have been ever since (even though there’s moments I don’t like him so very much!). So I tell myself that this is like my “dating” phase with Zeeb. We’re still getting to know each other. There’s moments I think he’s the most amazing perfect child I ever met. And there’s times he’s annoying or weird, or just different and I wonder what we were thinking adopting a three year old boy from Vietnam. So I tell myself, don’t worry about it yet. Give it six months, or even a year, and then analyze how you feel about him. I’m betting by then Zeeb will have worked his way deep into my heart, little idiosyncrasies and all.

So setting the analysis aside for now, and focusing on one day at a time… today Zeeb and I get to fold laundry and Christmas shop online (I’m getting e-notices that it’s my “last day” to shop with free shipping… good golly, can I be so far behind already??) and clean up the house a bit. Oh wait, that’s all the stuff I need to do. I’m thinking he might be more interested in playing with toys and reading books and even going for a walk in the remnants of our weekend snow. What to do, what to do…!