tired rambling thoughts on motherhood

Here’s the thing about having four kids – there’s always something. 

*Two meetings last week about the (lack of) honors programs at K~’s middle school.  Plus additional research time as we parents attempt to put together a compelling argument for some serious changes, hopefully soon enough to make a difference for our kids.

*K~’s ‘disorder’ has gotten to the point where she wants to make changes; she is making sincere effort to overcome it and I am so proud of her.  But in the meantime, she is getting more and more self-conscious and aware of what other kids are saying/thinking.  Middle school is tough enough without this — I would do anything to make it go away.  It’s so hard knowing it really isn’t within my power.

*R~ continues to talk about Cambodia and her Cambodia mom and dad.  The other night she said Cambodia was “home” and that she wanted her Cambodia mom and dad.  In that context, it felt like she was pushing my buttons more than expressing a sincere heartfelt desire.  But then, I know she really is trying to come to terms with her beginnings too.  This is a lot harder than I expected it to be.

*Last night when I was spending extra quality time with K~, my ten year old A~ came downstairs and asked when he gets a turn for special time.  I take for granted how low-maintance my boy can be.  He needs mommy time too.  Now if only I could find a way to clone myself…

*Zeeb’s been crying more lately.  Over weird things, like not wanting to eat his cereal or because R~ doesn’t want to play with him at that particular moment.  And I’m not being very understanding.  My first reaction is usually to tell him to get a grip.  And then I look at his little face, his eyes looking sad and kind of lost, and I feel so bad.  He has done such an amazing job of adjusting to his new life I forget he’s only been with us for six months and maybe from time to time things just get too frustrating or overwhelming.  And oh yeah he’s not quite four years old.  Definitely need to spend more time cuddling with him this week.

All this stuff piles up and I just get so tired.  Like too tired to even read blogs.  But then my husband gave me a really sweet gift for Mother’s Day – he folded and put away six loads of laundry.  What a tangible way to show me love.  It made me feel like for once I wasn’t starting the week overloaded and trying to play catch up.  Better than flowers, I tell ya.

And an extra bonus today… the coffee table from pottery barn that was on backorder came in and hubby brought it home tonight.  I love me my pottery barn coffee table.

 

umm… the rest of the family room doesn’t look that decorator-perfect… but go with it.  The coffee table turned out to be bigger than we expected so we had to do some creative decorating this evening… but even that turned out okay because now hubby is willing to consider a new couch (I’ve been pestering him for a year, our current sectional is battered and worn and just plain sad) so see – silver lining. 

And just when I start feeling stuck, mired in the day to day of parenting four kids ages 3-11… I see a commercial like this that gets me all choked up and makes me want to go hug and kiss them all and just stare at them sleeping, memorizing the way they are this minute because they just grow up so fast…