Comments on: Company’s Gone, Let’s Get Down to Business http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 23:30:32 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Laurie http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4747 Laurie Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:05:18 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4747 Don't know how I almost missed this post (ok, I do: we haven't had internet in 2 weeks!), so thanks to Jena for leading me to it. Great post Christina. I WISH more people would take the cotton out of their ears and choose to pull the wool off their eyes. FINALLY, is my feeling on the NOIDs. I feel bad for those families, but it's about damn time these agencies are called out. I'm just annoyed about 1 specific agency that still seems to be sliding by so smoothly, despite what we all know about them! Don’t know how I almost missed this post (ok, I do: we haven’t had internet in 2 weeks!), so thanks to Jena for leading me to it. Great post Christina. I WISH more people would take the cotton out of their ears and choose to pull the wool off their eyes. FINALLY, is my feeling on the NOIDs. I feel bad for those families, but it’s about damn time these agencies are called out. I’m just annoyed about 1 specific agency that still seems to be sliding by so smoothly, despite what we all know about them!

]]> By: UNS http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4734 UNS Fri, 26 Oct 2007 15:12:09 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4734 I'd be interested in further thoughts about the idea of conducting one's own investigation into the circumstances of a child's relinquishment. Suppose you know the name of the birth mother and even her address. Suppose the child's file has the birth mother's statement of relinquishment. While one can speak to orphanage officials or others who might have discussed the mother's decision or counseled her, if you are really interested in the truth, I don't see that there is a better source than the mother. But I wonder about contacting the mother under these circumstances. I do feel I would want to know as much as possible about the mother's reasons. But would it be fair to the birth mother to question her decision, particularly if it is within a few months of when she made the decision to relinquish? I have not made up my mind about this one way or another -- I am asking the question because I would be interested in the thoughts of others. Thanks. I’d be interested in further thoughts about the idea of conducting one’s own investigation into the circumstances of a child’s relinquishment. Suppose you know the name of the birth mother and even her address. Suppose the child’s file has the birth mother’s statement of relinquishment. While one can speak to orphanage officials or others who might have discussed the mother’s decision or counseled her, if you are really interested in the truth, I don’t see that there is a better source than the mother. But I wonder about contacting the mother under these circumstances. I do feel I would want to know as much as possible about the mother’s reasons. But would it be fair to the birth mother to question her decision, particularly if it is within a few months of when she made the decision to relinquish? I have not made up my mind about this one way or another — I am asking the question because I would be interested in the thoughts of others. Thanks.

]]> By: Adoption Ethics…. « Two Different Loves http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4724 Adoption Ethics…. « Two Different Loves Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:46:41 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4724 [...] in General, Parenting Issues, cute kid stuff Please, if you haven’t yet, go to VVAI and MBG and read their posts on these topics.  I wish I could formulate my thoughts into a cohesive writing [...] [...] in General, Parenting Issues, cute kid stuff Please, if you haven’t yet, go to VVAI and MBG and read their posts on these topics.  I wish I could formulate my thoughts into a cohesive writing [...]

]]> By: Sarah http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4654 Sarah Mon, 22 Oct 2007 05:22:02 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4654 Excellent, informative post. Ignorance is no excuse - that's my refrain lately. Ten minutes googling and I learned about the NOIDs. I am no smarter or faster than anyone else out there. People posting to the yahoo groups looking for nothing more than an agency that promises babies fast fast fast just disgust me. Fast should NOT be a proirity. Ethical, above board, accountable matters so much more than speed. The selfish actions of a-parents who are willingly turning a blind eye could damage the program for everyone. Excellent, informative post. Ignorance is no excuse – that’s my refrain lately. Ten minutes googling and I learned about the NOIDs. I am no smarter or faster than anyone else out there. People posting to the yahoo groups looking for nothing more than an agency that promises babies fast fast fast just disgust me. Fast should NOT be a proirity. Ethical, above board, accountable matters so much more than speed. The selfish actions of a-parents who are willingly turning a blind eye could damage the program for everyone.

]]> By: hismissionmine http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4653 hismissionmine Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:23:37 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4653 We were with this very agency. Thankfully, we only got as far as the application. now, I see why all the stumbling blocks came up :) As soon as I started hearing of rumors of Noids and saw how the agency personnel seemed not to want to answer questions or were conveniently "out of town" and "dealing with family issues" I started to open my eyes. My husband was adamant at the first whisper of a NOID that we get away from them but at first I bought all their blame casting. I have been doing research and I think a NOID or even a rumor of one has to mean something shady is going on and if they work as closely as they say they do they can't put all the blame on the orphanage/province/or the Embassy officials. Thank you for being a resource for us, and I promise to keep myself in the know from now on :o) We were with this very agency. Thankfully, we only got as far as the application. now, I see why all the stumbling blocks came up :)
As soon as I started hearing of rumors of Noids and saw how the agency personnel seemed not to want to answer questions or were conveniently “out of town” and “dealing with family issues” I started to open my eyes. My husband was adamant at the first whisper of a NOID that we get away from them but at first I bought all their blame casting. I have been doing research and I think a NOID or even a rumor of one has to mean something shady is going on and if they work as closely as they say they do they can’t put all the blame on the orphanage/province/or the Embassy officials.
Thank you for being a resource for us, and I promise to keep myself in the know from now on :o )

]]> By: Christina http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4635 Christina Sun, 21 Oct 2007 21:00:19 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4635 L, I know this issue can be really emotional and just plain draining to think about. I'm sorry it's giving you restless nights. Unfortunately, I know almost nothing about the Canadian agencies. But I did write a post for VVAI about good communication, <a href="http://www.adoptionintegrity.com/2007/08/27/the-key-to-any-good-relationship/" rel="nofollow"> here</a> And <a href="http://www.mamnon.org/?p=20" rel="nofollow">Mam Non</a> has a good post about choosing an agency that might have some helpful tips for you. As for 100% certainty... well, I don't think it's possible to be 100% certain because even if your agency is completely ethical, it's difficult to know what is happening on the VN side of things, like when paperwork is being processed or whatnot. But with our agency (Holt) we were given extensive background info on our child with our referral so I feel very confident that he came into care for the right reasons and truly needed an adoptive family. And our agency also emphasized on multiple occasions that they would not do anything that could even give the appearance of corruption and we saw for ourselves in country that they were very professional and by-the-book. You might try talking with other families who are farther ahead of you in the process with your agency and ask them about communication and what their impressions are of your agency ... it's a start anyway. L, I know this issue can be really emotional and just plain draining to think about. I’m sorry it’s giving you restless nights. Unfortunately, I know almost nothing about the Canadian agencies. But I did write a post for VVAI about good communication, here And Mam Non has a good post about choosing an agency that might have some helpful tips for you.

As for 100% certainty… well, I don’t think it’s possible to be 100% certain because even if your agency is completely ethical, it’s difficult to know what is happening on the VN side of things, like when paperwork is being processed or whatnot. But with our agency (Holt) we were given extensive background info on our child with our referral so I feel very confident that he came into care for the right reasons and truly needed an adoptive family. And our agency also emphasized on multiple occasions that they would not do anything that could even give the appearance of corruption and we saw for ourselves in country that they were very professional and by-the-book. You might try talking with other families who are farther ahead of you in the process with your agency and ask them about communication and what their impressions are of your agency … it’s a start anyway.

]]> By: melinda http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4619 melinda Sun, 21 Oct 2007 00:11:00 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4619 As always, well said. It is so sad for everyone involved. And it is even more depressing and frustrating to realize that many of us are not surprised in the least. As always, well said.

It is so sad for everyone involved. And it is even more depressing and frustrating to realize that many of us are not surprised in the least.

]]> By: L http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4616 L Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:20:52 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4616 i haven't slept well this week. i have so many questions and i am so torn up about all the things we may never know about whether our adoption will be 100% completely ethical. does any of us really get the assurance of 100% certainty? Am I naive to want that? i would love a list of questions and things we could discuss with our agency to understand the process and the way they do things better. where i live in Canada things are much different than in the USA. we currently have 2 agencies dealing with Vietnam and they are both back-logged and not taking PAP's at this point, as far as I know. we got on with the one agency before the backlog began and so we are DTV 3 months now, and have a 10 month (approx) wait til referral and travel. So... it is difficult. We are without the option of several different agencies, when we chose to adopt from Vietnam our agency was basically chosen for us since there was only one taking applications. I want more than anything to do everything I can to make sure this adoption is done in the most ethical way and that we are adopting a child that truly is an ophan. I'd love advice on how to have open and good communication with our agency. i haven’t slept well this week. i have so many questions and i am so torn up about all the things we may never know about whether our adoption will be 100% completely ethical. does any of us really get the assurance of 100% certainty? Am I naive to want that?

i would love a list of questions and things we could discuss with our agency to understand the process and the way they do things better.
where i live in Canada things are much different than in the USA. we currently have 2 agencies dealing with Vietnam and they are both back-logged and not taking PAP’s at this point, as far as I know. we got on with the one agency before the backlog began and so we are DTV 3 months now, and have a 10 month (approx) wait til referral and travel.

So… it is difficult. We are without the option of several different agencies, when we chose to adopt from Vietnam our agency was basically chosen for us since there was only one taking applications.

I want more than anything to do everything I can to make sure this adoption is done in the most ethical way and that we are adopting a child that truly is an ophan. I’d love advice on how to have open and good communication with our agency.

]]> By: Nicole http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4591 Nicole Fri, 19 Oct 2007 03:09:29 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4591 !!! !!!

]]> By: Nicole http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4590 Nicole Fri, 19 Oct 2007 03:08:54 +0000 http://mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/companys-gone-lets-get-down-to-business/#comment-4590 We went with this agency because it was fast. At the time, it was all we could think about. I have spoken with several moms who are waiting in line with this same agency now and they are turning a blind eye to what is going on because their eyes are on the prize. Just as ours was. It is so hard to see that an agency that might take you 6 or 12 extra months may be so worth it in the end. This week I have questioned a lot of things about our recent adoption. I put faith in the agency that everything was handled on a kosher level. I no longer have the faith in them that it was. Now, I sit back and watch them deflect any responsibility they should take for what has happened on to everyone else. "It is INS's fault, it is the provinces fault." And you are absolutely right, in the end, it may all work out. The families will be so relieved to be home with their children, that they will stop their fight. Families after them will never know what happened. And the bloody agency will get away with shady practices again. We went with this agency because it was fast. At the time, it was all we could think about. I have spoken with several moms who are waiting in line with this same agency now and they are turning a blind eye to what is going on because their eyes are on the prize. Just as ours was. It is so hard to see that an agency that might take you 6 or 12 extra months may be so worth it in the end.

This week I have questioned a lot of things about our recent adoption. I put faith in the agency that everything was handled on a kosher level. I no longer have the faith in them that it was.

Now, I sit back and watch them deflect any responsibility they should take for what has happened on to everyone else. “It is INS’s fault, it is the provinces fault.” And you are absolutely right, in the end, it may all work out. The families will be so relieved to be home with their children, that they will stop their fight. Families after them will never know what happened. And the bloody agency will get away with shady practices again.

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