brain dump #57: K~, the SATs and my inadequacies as a parent

I signed my twelve year old up to take the S.A.T’s in May. Yes, those S.A.T.’s. And while it seems like a bizarre form of torture to make a 12 year old take a college entrance exam, I did so on the advice of another mom of a gifted child. See, the SAT can gauge a gifted child’s abilities more accurately than the grade-level standardized tests kids normally take, because it has a much higher end range. And what I need for K~ is some good concrete numbers to show that she is truly gifted and needs to be challenged. And why do I need that? Good question, since clearly the local middle school couldn’t care less. But in my head we are preparing to move to Virginia and I need to be prepared for enrolling her there. And in that world, in my head, I’m already behind. Because the school district already did their gifted assessments for next year and probably has already sent out placement information too. And so here I am, with no concrete plans to move anywhere, kicking myself because I missed the deadline. Yes, I probably do need some counseling or something.

But here’s the thing – K~’s whole life she has suffered because I missed the deadlines. Or just plain didn’t know what I should have been doing. That’s the drawback of being number one. While it’s now a documented fact that firstborns receive more quality time than their siblings, it’s also true that I’m unexperienced and learning everything with K~. From day one, I’ve had to weigh the parenting books against the advice of family and friends and both of those against my own gut instincts. And can I just say? K~ is a little more challenging than your average child. She wanted to nurse ALL the time – boy did my mom give me grief about that. (Dr. Spock says you should get your baby on a schedule ASAP!) And she had the worst time going to sleep – still does, truth be told. Some things I didn’t recognize as challenges – I just took them as proof of what a fabulous parent I was. (feel free to laugh out loud at that one!) Like when K~ could identify any letter of the alphabet before she was two. And started reading (on her own, no phonics instruction from me) when she was barely four. The first week of kindergarten K~’s teacher called and said, “I noticed K~ can read. She’s reading everything in the classroom. How did you teach her to read so well?” Ummm… well, aside from reading to her all the time (because she loved to sit and read books together) I didn’t do anything. I should have known right then that K~ needed more than a regular classroom could offer her. But she had such a hard time with the worksheets she did for homework that I figured regular kindergarten was plenty challenging. And then there was her big struggle with handwriting which her 2nd grade teacher told me could be enough to hold her back. (She’s a lefty). But by third grade, I clued in that she needed more. Unfortunately, we moved to a new house and district too late for her to qualify for the gifted program that year. (hmmm… sense a trend?) So chalk third grade up as another wasted year where she was bored and unchallenged. Thankfully she did make it into the gifted class for 4th and 5th grades.  Those were the best years of her school-aged life.  She was challenged, she had good friends who she could be herself around, things were good.  And then came sixth grade.  Yeah, you all remember how hard last year was – for her and me!  And when seventh grade turned out to be as unchallenging (and flat out boring) as sixth, we started our adventure in home schooling.  But can I be honest?  Home schooling isn’t really my thing.  I’m not sorry we did it, because there is no better option right now and she’s doing great with it.  (um, except math.  That’s not her “gifted” area and coincidentally, not mine either, so we’re both struggling a little with the ”integrated” algebra/geometry curriculum.)  But I don’t feel like I can meet all of her needs.  She has pretty much every personality trait used to describe gifted people… including a tendency toward introvertedness.  Which means that it takes a lot of effort for her to make plans with friends, especially now that she doesn’t see them every day at school.  We were too late to sign up for a co-op and there’s little to no time in the schedule to get her into a class or club during the day so she spends a lot of time at home and very little time with kids her age. While I think most homeschooling families do a great job with the “socializing” aspect, I’m failing miserably.   

In my ideal world, K~ would be in a gifted program not just “honors” classes, though that would be better than nothing. It’s hard to explain but gifted kids just plain think differently than typical kids and have a hard time relating to their grade-level peers. So she really would be most comfortable with other gifted kids. And at nearly 13, with all kinds of hormones and emotions running through her every minute of the day, it would be so great to see her feel good about herself and not feel like she has to be someone she’s not just to make a friend or two.

Which leads me back to Virginia. A state where all schools are required to meet the special educational needs of gifted kids. (Oh and the school district we like, with the best gifted programs, has anywhere from 10%-25% Asian students. How great would that be for R~ and Zeeb?). We really don’t want to move until June, making A~ and R~ change schools this late in the year seems sort of harsh. And once Hubby gets a job over there, we’ll probably have to move in a matter of weeks. So it’s probably better that we don’t know anything for certain yet. But man does this uncertainty make it difficulty to plan anything. And I do like to make plans. So here I am, signing my daughter up to take the SATs, hoping that it will somehow help her get the education she deserves. If nothing else, it’s good practice for the next time she takes them in 3-4 years… which would sort of make me ahead of the game…No?