Our house has been on the market for 5 days. Coincidentally, that is just one day less than the amount of time that Husband has been Dying From a Virus. (He was certain it was The Flu but a visit to the doctor today dashed that theory - it’s just a generic Virus With Fever.) You remember the guy from the Man Cold video? A total stoic compared to Hubby. Oh the moaning and groaning and general malaise. And let’s not forget the call to the on-call nurse after which he told me if he didn’t feel better “she said I should go to the emergency room.” The emergency room. For a low fever, aches and a stuffy nose. What exactly would they do for him? If you haven’t guessed by now, I have been the World’s Worst Wife for the duration of this illness. Not a hint of compassion here. No “poor little bunny” from me. (Although I have made him soup and tea and bought him some Gaterade, so I’m not a total loss, right?) But I think I have a pretty good excuse because while Hubby is busy Dying, I’ve been taking care of all four kids 24/7 and trying to keep the house in Absolutely Perfect Condition just in case someone might come by for a showing.

They’re supposed to give us a minimum of 30 minutes notice but on the very first day that rule was tossed aside. A realtor called asking if they could come by in ten minutes. TEN. MINUTES. Panic ensued as I ran around screaming like a lunatic “10 minutes everyone! Clean everything! Get in the car!” We get all the kids and the dogs piled in the car and before we can pull out, the realtor parks right behind us, thusly blocking us in. GAH! I got out of the car and the realtor’s all like, “you don’t have to leave.” Yeah, because the family would be so comfortable looking around our house with all six of us sitting there staring at them. So, Plan B, we took a walk. Oh except, Husband was Dying, so he leaned against a tree while the rest of us walked. It was lovely. And after all that, it turns out the family didn’t like our house - it’s not their style. They don’t like Victorians. Um, excuse me, but couldn’t they have made that determination from the description of our house in the flyer and online BEFORE they intruded on our Friday evening??? GAH.

And then I spent the weekend cleaning constantly despite the fact that we had not a single showing. Oh we left the house for 3 hours on Saturday because we had a showing scheduled, but that family just plumb decided not to show up. But apparently saw no sense in notifying us. That would be too polite maybe? GAH.

Yesterday I had all of 3 minutes notice before a realtor came by because Husband and K didn’t answer the phone while I was out. Good times, good times.

This is what my life is reduced to now: cleaning like an obsessive-compulsive and running out of my house as though I am living on the lam and the police are in hot pursuit. In case I haven’t said it in the last five minutes: Oh how I hate having my house on the market. And the Husband doing his best imitation of Death Warmed Over? Yeah, I really could do without that too.

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