one bite at a time

Q: How do you eat an elephant?

A: One bite at a time.

I don’t know who invented that saying, but a friend shared it with me a few years ago and it has become my mantra whenever I’m taking on a huge overwhelming task. I’ve been saying it quite a bit lately. I literally can’t see beyond this day - in part because I don’t know what is going to happen next, and in part because the thought of what will happen next puts me into a bit of a panic attack. So I just look around, find something that needs to be sorted through, and go to work. I am making progress, I think. It’s a little hard to tell because right now my house is messier than one would expect with all the work I’ve done. I’ve got all these piles everywhere - stuff to donate, stuff to toss, stuff to pack. The trick is keeping the three piles from getting mixed up! And also of course all these piles have to go somewhere before the house goes on the market. Oh how I dread that day.

Meanwhile, we’re still waiting for the Official Offer. We know it’s coming, but it still has to make it’s way through the paperwork maze of human resources. Waiting for it feels just a wee bit like all the waiting we did with our adoptions… someone out there knows the details of our paperwork, it will have a big impact on the next few months, and we’re the last to know. Yeah, I think I have a smidge of PTSD from our adoptions. Anyway, I know it’s not the same at all and whatever kind of relocation package we get will be a billion times better than we had the last time we moved cross-country (which was: exactly nothing). So I count my blessings and look for another pile to sort while we wait.

THIS JUST IN: Hubby just called… he got the official offer and relocation package. Oooh baby, it’s rather impressive, I must say. The only thing it’s missing is the house buyout thingy. Darn it. I really wanted that. But I really can’t complain because they cover a whole mess of other stuff so as long as we can get this house sold within a few months (cynical me: yeah right, that’s gonna happen, looked at the housing market lately?) the move won’t cost us hardly anything. How awesome is that?

Meanwhile, the kids are doing pretty good. Well, there’s less gnashing of teeth anyway. Oh and a funny thing (ok, really a God Thing)… at church on Sunday (K was sitting with us) the sermon was titled, “Can God Be Trusted?” and the pastor talked about how we are often afraid to trust God with our futures because we think he’ll give us trials or send us to Timbuktu or something. And he reminded us that God always wants the best for us. And then he says, “What if God wants you to give up a job you love? Or move someplace far away?” - the three of us just looked at each other like “how did he know?” And after the service K~ jokingly says to me, “Did you pay the pastor to say that?” It was just really good encouragement for all of us and like confirmation that we are on the right path.

Okay, time to get back to that elephant now, this house isn’t going to clean itself!

 

My Husband The Scout

Right now, as I type, Hubby is on an airplane headed for northern Virginia. (Ok, technically Baltimore, but then he’ll drive to Virginia) This was sort of a last-minute trip. He’d been talking to one company about flying out for an interview and so had cleared his schedule. And then he realized the job wasn’t right for him, so thus no need for an interview. But then he figured, the schedule’s clear, might as well fly out anyway just to check out the area. Plus his current company has some smaller offices over there and he can “informally” meet with them. (To make it “formal” he’d have to tell his boss, which would make things rather awkward should he decide not to move!) So with about two days notice he booked flights and hotels and off he went.

And this is why I love my husband so very much.

Because, he doesn’t need to do this. In fact, it’s rather a bother to do it right now. Work is busy and picking up steam and he quite likes it too. But both of us have this sense that we can’t stay where we are. We could move locally (and very well might) but that would only solve the school problem, not the weather problem or the fact that we’re an expensive flight away from most of our family. So we think Virginia may be where its at. Except there’s the minor problem of no actual perfect job lined up and no idea if it’s the kind of place we’d really like to live. We’ve been praying for months and months and honestly, the waiting is getting to both of us. Add to that the stress of feeling torn between a fast-paced project at work and job hunting and I think Hubby decided it was time to take action. I love that about him. That he’ll do whatever he can to make things better for us, even though it’d be a lot easier to just sit back and do nothing. I mean let’s face it, he could make a total half-hearted effort at job-hunting and just tell me there’s nothing more he can do. I wouldn’t think less of him if he did. Or he could just tell me there’s no way he’s leaving his job now. Things are too good. It’s like doing three years of college and then deciding to switch schools. (Oh wait, he changed college’s for me too… wow, he really is a sacrificial guy!)

I just finished reading Francine Rivers’ “The Warrior”, her novella about Caleb. For those who aren’t familiar with Caleb, he followed Moses out to the desert and was one of 20 scouts sent to check out the Promise Land. While 18 of the scouts came back and said the land of Canaan was too dangerous - there were giants there, dontcha’ know - Caleb and Joshua reported that the land was flowing with milk and honey and they believed God would give it to them, despite the scary obstacles in their way. Well, obviously Virginia is not THE “promise land”… but it might be ours. And so I know its rather a weak metaphor but books always hugely influence my thinking so I’ve been imagining Hubby as my very own modern-day “scout”. And in a way, he is. We found a bunch of houses online that looked good and mapped them out so Hubby can drive around the neighborhoods and get a feel for the areas where we’d actually live. And of course he’s talking to people there about possible jobs, so that part is covered too.

It’s a little weird, sitting here while he goes and looks the place over. I mean we don’t always agree on things - furniture shopping for instance often includes a bit of give and take. But I feel good about this. I’m praying, and I know he’ll be praying while he’s there and I trust God to give him a sense of direction in this whole thing. So if he comes home and says, “Nope, it’s not for us.” - well then, okay. We gave it a shot, and now we can move on. And if he comes back and says, “I think we belong in Virginia” - then I will feel really good about that decision, because when it comes down to it, he’s the one who will really have to sacrifice if we move. I have this thing about marriage - I never want my husband to do something *just* because I think we should. I worry he might resent me later and it would harm our relationship. (Plus, and I know this is so not politically correct, but I really think the husband is the head of the household and should make the major decisions - with input from the family of course - but in the end, the ultimate responsibility rests with him). So, if he comes back excited to move to Virginia, I’ll be able to trust that it’s the best thing for our whole family. Either way, when he gets back, (God-willing) the cloud of indecision will be lifted and we can go from there.

And I just think it’s so cool, being married to someone who can do that for me.

 

I have company, you get a random post

So my parents (dad and step-mom, it’s just easier to say “parents”) are here. I was a little stressed about their visit, because, well, I stress about anyone coming to my house, and they are staying for 9 days. I have this horrid habit of feeling like I have to be “on” and entertaining the whole time someone is at my house so it can be rather tiring to have company for over a week. But I’m getting over it a little with my parents I think. Right now they are sitting in the family room with Zeeb watching Sesame Street while I sit at the kitchen table enjoying a quiet breakfast. And I only feel a little guilty about it.

Some good things about their visit:

They haven’t seen Zeeb since we first got home last November. So they see all the progress that I can’t see as well, being as it was so gradual. My stepmom (who tends to be overly bright and positive at times but seems to be speaking honestly) said she thinks Zeeb is talking just as well as his 4 year old (boy) cousins. And one of his cousins also doesn’t know his colors! Yeah, that made me feel a little better.

Zeeb is very comfortable with them. Actually, he was pretty okay with them even last year but I tell myself this shows how attached and comfortable he is in our family now. Yesterday at naptime my stepmom and I went grocery shopping and I left my dad in charge. Zeeb decided around 2:30 he was all done resting and called out “Grandpa! I get up now!” And when we got home they were busily building a huge Duplo city together. So sweet!

It is really nice having two other adults around to help out. My dad empties the dishwasher. My stepmom loves to cook. (I know! Weird!) They play with the kids and read them books at bedtime. Yeah, I could get used to this.

This weekend I want us to go somewhere (preferably somewhere sunny!) to do some apple picking and see pretty fall colors. I’m thinking Leavenworth or somewhere like that. Any Pacific Northwesters have any good suggestions?

Totally unrelated aside… the other night R and I were cuddling at bedtime and she says,

“I have two moms. I have a birth mom and a “mama” mom.”

I thought that was a very nice way to put it.

 

the days, they keep on passing

So here we are, past the halfway point of September - how did that happen? Summer is definitely gone from these parts… our furnace kicked on for real today and “warm” is now considered anything about 60 degrees. Sigh. (Sorry Nicki, but I have to whine just a little because our summer was far too short and I am green with envy over your very warm ‘fall’ temperatures! )

So what is going on around here this fall?

Zeeb is loving pre-school. (or “pre-’cool” as he calls it) He has absolutely no problem saying good-bye at the classroom door and talks nonstop about his morning on the way home. (Not that I understand everything he’s saying, but I can tell he had a good time!) And on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he stays home with mommy, he asks about pre-’cool and when I tell him he isn’t going he says, “Dang it!” Which cracks me up.

R~ is a soccer star. Who knew? Okay, she’s not Mia Hamm just yet, but she makes at least one goal every game. (These are very high scoring games. With three kids on a side and no goalies, it’s something of free for all. But still. My girl - she rocks.) At first R~ had this strategy of playing defacto goalie, just hanging out in the end zone. But then I told her that I’d give her a quarter for every goal she scores… and suddenly she was inspired.  I know, aren’t I such a great mom, bribing my kid to score?  Here’s the thing though, R~ just likes coins, it doesn’t actually matter the denomination.  She’s just as happy with a penny or a nickle.  So I let her pick whatever coins she wants and it doesn’t really add up to much.  And now that she’s gotten the hang of the game, I think the coins are rather secondary.  And yes, I am making excuses because it’s embarrassing to admit I pay my kid to play soccer.  Mock me if you must, but it worked!  Anyway, she’s fun to watch because even though she’s the smallest kid on the team, she’s really fast and rather coordinated for her age so when she’s paying attention (about 50% of the time) she’s quite the little athlete.  Score one for “Nature” in the ol’ Nature vs. Nurture debate.

And speaking of R~, I was skimming the fall Fisher-Price catalog today and I just found a little plastic version of my child. See:

Yeah, I know she’s supposed to be African American but I’ve got news for FP - that’s a lot closer to the golden Cambodian skin tone. Which is just fine with me! Seriously, I think I have to buy that toy because it looks so much like my kid.

A~ gets almost no mention on my blog because he’s my Easy Kid. (Thank God I have one of those, I think I’d go crazy if all four were high needs!) He’s doing great. I know, big surprise. He’s doing soccer too but not loving it as much this year. He’s 10 and I think the stakes went up at this level … it’s a bigger field and the coaches take things more seriously. A~’s a pretty good athlete but he really doesn’t like it when the coach gets so focused on winning. It’s why he dropped out of baseball last year. And now he’s saying he probably won’t do soccer next year, which is really fine with me because I am so NOT a soccer mom. (No kidding. I don’t like the driving, or the sitting outside in the cold and wet for hours on end or the snack schedules or really any of it, aside from watching my kid have fun.) But, here’s the thing, he’s a boy. I know, way to state the obvious. But Hubby thinks he should stay in a sport because it’s how boys bond and if he doesn’t do sports he won’t have any friends. I happen to think A~ is rather likable, but it’s true that all of his friends are in sports and even though they aren’t on the same team, it is a big part of their conversations and what they like to do when they get together. So I don’t know what we’ll do. But there’s still a good 7 weeks left of A~’s soccer season so I guess it’s a big premature to be worrying about it anyway.

And last but not least, there’s K~. Thank G*d K~ is having a much better time at school so far this year. She likes her teachers better and she has different kids in her classes so the dynamics are a little better in that regard too. She’s still the same kid so we still have lots of emotion and drama around here, but I’m feeling okay about the school thing, for now.

The big deal around here this week is that we finally broke down and moved K~ to the bonus room. Took the fooseball table apart, moved the old loveseat and computer desk into the hall, repainted the room and moved all K~’s stuff in. I’m bummed, I really liked having a hang-out room and it was cool watching movies on our own big screen, but it had to be done. R~ and Zeeb just cannot share a room. We tried everything - staggered bedtimes, having one of them fall asleep in our room and moving them later, tons of discipline, nothing worked. So now R~ has K~’s old room and if she stays up singing and talking to herself, at least she isn’t keeping Zeeb awake too. Of course the move isn’t really complete, it took all weekend just to repaint the room and we still have stuff to move and reorganize, but I figure this is good practice for if we ever do sell this place and move to Denver. (Or maybe it’s a good way to convince me I never want to move again. Because I am really bad at the moving/reorganizing thing!)

So I guess this explains where the first half of September went! The kids have been back in school all of 11 days and I’m completely wiped out.  I need another vacation!

 

9.11.07

O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine!

O Beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam,
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!